A Beautiful Gift From God

 Finally, after almost a month, I received my parcel from Saint Vincent Archabbey in Pennsylvania, USA. I am deeply grateful to the Director of Oblates for accepting me, and for allowing me to have my investiture in my own parish.

This experience means so much to me because of what I went through in the past. I was formerly part of the Third Order Carmelites, but I withdrew from my formation because of an incident in which my investiture was put on hold. One of the lay leaders insisted that I attend physical formation meetings, even though I had already explained my situation to our National Formator. Sadly, my circumstances were not understood. 

I have tried joining a lot of lay religious and consecrated order and community when I was still single and as a married woman. When I was still single I joined the Cenacle Auxiliaries (vowed lay women), Order of the Discalced Carmelites Secular and then as a married woman I tried to look into the Franciscans (my heart is not really in their charism), Third Order of Carmelites and also the Lay Cistercian in the US. In the end I was accepted and I chose the Benedictine because of the balance in work and prayer. The order is not extremely strict it is a balance of moderation.

He kept comparing my situation to his own, saying that in his time he attended in-person meetings. At that time, however, I could not do the same—especially because my husband wanted me to focus on our family, and I also had a three-year-old child. The pressure became so heavy that I found myself crying. My husband saw how deeply affected I was by what was happening in our Third Order community. Because of this, I decided not to continue toward postulancy and formally withdrew from the Third Order Carmelites.

Even though the Carmelite family has always been very dear to me—especially because of Thérèse of Lisieux—I had to let go because of the painful and traumatic experiences I went through there.

Now, I truly believe that God has given me the religious family I have been longing for in the Benedictine family, particularly through Saint Vincent Archabbey. Truly, God knows best.

Benedict of Nursia and Scholastica, pray for us—for all Oblates and all Benedictines.

The Desert Fathers

          I have seen a documentary from EWTn about The Desert Fathers. Since I am drawn to monasticism and of course as a Benedictine by heart and I am studying also under the Cistercian as an associate, it is important for me to know about them.

The documentary started when Paul of Thebes runaway because of persecution of Christians and also he is regarded as the first Christian hermit.

One character that has struck me is how they are detached from the world but never forget to pray for all the people. They also gave us a beautiful teaching of never be enticed by worldly treasures because everything else here in this world is temporary. I also saw how they live. He wove leaves of palm tree for his garment and live only on dates and water from a nearby spring. One amazing story is how a raven always brings him a half of loaf bread daily. Such kindred souls with these two holy souls! When St. Paul of Thebes died in a posture in prayer, St. Anthony then wrapped the body of St. Paul with the cloak from St. (Bishop) Athanasius for burial.

I also love the part of the documentary when St. Anthony the Great searched to find Paul, to find a kindred spirit. I pray that I may find my kindred one too spiritually. No one understand one's spiritual journey unless you're in the same level of understanding. People from the secular world won't understand and also even members from our family may find us weird or strange, and we might even be mocked or persecuted. When I was a reader during my highschool days at mass in our school chapel, I will never forget a verse from my reading, "Vanity of vanities, says Qoheleth. All things are vanity!" I asked one of the religious sisters (Daughters of Charity, my school was run by them.) how to pronounce Qoheleth, so I will never forget this line. 

What lessons thus we can learn from The Desert Fathers. In solitude can we really hear God, we need to take a pause and take time to reflect despite with our busy life in this world. Everything is temporary. We must not be enticed with the riches of this world, to live only for the riches, to enjoy and indulge in wine, food and sex. The belief that "YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE." So enjoy when you have the time is very wrong. We only live one so we must do the right things. 

St. Jerome in his letters strongly criticized the rich and wealthy people. For him it is immoral to live lavishly while others suffered! Isn't what he wrote also echoes what is happening in our society today?  Corruption is rampant, the poor are getting poorer because of this. 

In ending, we can find God in solitude, practice humility and detachment from worldly distractions to achieve purity of heart. Practice silence one of the things I learned from one of the books that I am studying now, do self-examination and always never forget pray! Pray unceasingly! 

On Wearing Chapel Veil or Mantilla

Wearing a veil or chapel veil dates back to the early Christian Church. During the time of Vatican I, women cover their heads with a veil when they enter a church, chapel, or when they attend Mass.

At that time, in Catholic practice, women were expected by custom to cover their heads in church. It was considered part of proper modesty and reverence during worship.

St. Paul writes about this in 1 Corinthians, chapter 11. This is more of a custom. According to Fr. Mike Schmitz, we are free to make use of it, just like other sacramentals such as scapulars, etc.

One Benedictine monk once told Fr. Mike Schmitz that if you are doing something that sets you apart in public worship or public liturgy, as distinct from everyone else, then you should take a moment and ask, “Why am I doing this?”

Nowadays, women are not required to wear a veil. Let me cite from Wikipedia: current Catholic canon law does not require women to wear veils or head coverings at Mass; the 1983 Code of Canon Law repealed the earlier explicit requirement.

But personally, for me, the practice of wearing a veil in church even if it sets you apart from the community, where usually only older women, mostly seniors and grandmothers, wear veil. For me, wearing one is a sign of reverence to God and to the Holy Eucharist. It is an act of showing you respect to our Lord God and it expresses modesty more than simply wearing your Sunday's best.

Let us make ourselves beautifully proper for our Lord God and to always be on time when attending mass. If you can be beautifully and handsomely dressed when facing your loved one and on time on your date and meeting. All the more you should be ready, prepared and on time for mass! Shouldn't we be ashamed of ourselves when we are on time in other events but often come late at mass!

I'm thankful to my former Third Order Carmelite family for giving me this beautiful veil or mantilla. According to the giver, it has already been blessed. This mantilla has a beautiful lace design with the word “Jerusalem” and an image of our Blessed Mother Mary carrying the Child Jesus. ✍️ #fromthepilgrimsdesk #mantillaveil #Catholicmass

Movie Review: Vision (From the Life of Hildegard Von Bingen)

      Yesterday, I was able to finish the movie Vision, which is about the life of St. Hildegard. The movie, I think is not faithful to the real life story of this saint. Just like the movie that I saw before about the life of St. Faustina, they added a sort of romantic theme on it even if its not true. There's Clara, a nun who was impregnated and Richardis who idolizes and looks up so much to Hildegard. There is nothing special about the movie. The only good thing about is, is that I got to know the life of St  Hildegard. She is such an accomplished woman during her time. You can try watching it. 

The Benedictine Way

 It has been a few days since I submitted my application to join the Oblates of St. Benedict. Earlier, I was accepted as a postulant among the Lay Cistercians as a lay contemplative. However, even after being accepted, I continued communicating with the vocation director of the Oblates, a Benedictine monk and priest.

He explained to me that the Cistercians are primarily contemplative, while the Benedictines also have an active apostolate, such as teaching and running schools and universities. This reminded me of San Beda University in Manila, which is run by the Benedictines, and within the university is the Abbey of Our Lady of Montserrat. That is where I had my medals blessed by a Benedictine priest. It is important to me that a Benedictine priest bless them, as they have a special blessing that includes the exorcism of the medals, which is unique to the Benedictine tradition.

I feel that I truly belong here because my acceptance will eventually be completed in my own parish. The investiture kit will be sent from the United States, and I will be formally affiliated with a Benedictine monastery there.

I am now waiting for the right time to inform the vocation director of the Lay Cistercians that I will be withdrawing my application with them, as I cannot serve two masters. I am drawn to the Benedictine way of life because it offers a balance between work and prayer. I feel joyful knowing that a priest will personally guide me and check on me along the way

Who is St. Benedict? 

St. Benedict of Nursia (c. 480–547) is known as the Father of Western Monasticism. He was born in Nursia (now Norcia, Italy) during the decline of the Roman Empire. As a young man, he was sent to Rome to study, but he became deeply disturbed by the moral corruption he witnessed there. Seeking God above all else (quaerere Deum), he left Rome to live a life of prayer and solitude.

Benedict spent several years as a hermit in a cave at Subiaco, where he devoted himself to prayer, fasting, and spiritual discipline. Over time, others were drawn to his holiness and wisdom, and he began to guide disciples. Though he faced opposition and even attempts on his life, Benedict remained steadfast, emphasizing humility, obedience, and discernment.

Eventually, he founded Monte Cassino, the monastery that became the model for Benedictine life. There, he wrote the Rule of St. Benedict, a balanced guide for monastic living centered on prayer (ora), work (labora), community life, and moderation. The Rule’s wisdom and humanity allowed it to endure for centuries and shape Christian life across Europe.

St. Benedict died peacefully at Monte Cassino, standing in prayer, supported by his monks. He was proclaimed Patron Saint of Europe and is remembered for teaching a way of life rooted in stability, humility, and the loving search for God—principles that continue to inspire monks, nuns, and oblates around the world.

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Recommended Books for Monastic Life and Practice

           I have discovered three essential books for Benedictine and Trappist/Cistercian spirituality. The first book is to recommended to me by our vocation director, "No Moment Too Small," by Norvene Vest. It is a good book for those who want to know more about Benedictine spirituality and practices like silence, reading the lectio divina, prayer and work. A Benedictine priest told me about the differences of Benedictine, Trappist and Cistercians. They are different orders and with different offices in Rome and each with different initials. (O.S.B, O. Cist., O.C.S.O). Cistercians are stricter than Benedictines. Compared with the Benedictines, the Trappists or Cistercians as they are preferred to be called are very contemplative and without active ministries like the Benedictines who manages schools, parishes and chaplaincies. The Cistercians are reformed movement of Benedictine monasticism.

The other book that I purchased is the Rule of St. Benedict which is very important because its the core of spiritual and communal foundation of the spiritual life. 

The last book is the life story penned by the author himself. A famous Cistercian monk, Thomas Merton. This book is a classic and well by almost everyone. "The Seven Storey Mountain," recounts his life conversion to Catholicism and how he became a Trappist monk at The Abbey of Gethsemani.

Spiritual Warfare and Our Lady of Sorrows Chaplet

           I recently wrote something about exorcism and spiritual warfare. This topic isn’t new to me since I’ve already read and collected many books about it—mostly by Fr. Jose Francisco Syquia, the Director of the Archdiocese of Manila Office on Exorcism; the late Fr. Gabriele Amorth, former exorcist of the Diocese of Rome; and Fr. Carlos Martins, an American exorcist.

Now, I’d like to talk about the works of Fr. Chad Ripperger, a traditionalist American Catholic priest and exorcist. By “traditionalist,” I mean he is a conservative Roman Catholic who was once ordained under the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter. He later founded the Society of the Most Sorrowful Mother, also known as the Doloran Fathers. Through them, I was encouraged and inspired to have a devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows.

I also shared with them my desire to join their auxiliary group—prayer warriors who offer prayers for priests and all those involved in spiritual warfare, under the special protection of our Blessed Mother. This ministry truly touched my heart because, during my younger and more chaotic years, I was once involved in witchcraft and the occult. But in His mercy, God did not allow me to remain in darkness—He pulled me out of the pit. I am forever grateful to Him and to our Blessed Mother. I have also informed my spiritual director, Fr. Quirico Pedregosa, O.P., about my intention to join the auxiliary.

 

Aside from being a member of the Confraternity of the Holy Rosary, I will do my best to also pray the Chaplet of Our Lady of Sorrows. This chaplet has its own special rosary, much like the Chaplet of St. Michael.

As shown in the photo, these are the chaplet and rosary of Our Lady of Sorrows, along with books by Fr. Chad Ripperger. His book Dominion discusses everything about spiritual warfare, but before reading it, it’s best to start with Introduction to the Science of Mental Health, also written by him and based on the teachings of St. Thomas Aquinas.

I pray that, in my own small way, through prayer, I can help support the ministry of priests and all those engaged in spiritual warfare.

May our Blessed Mother cover me with her mantle, and may our Lord Jesus protect me with His Precious Blood. Amen.

My Favorite Dominican Saints

           I was able to get beautiful miniature images of my favorite Dominican saints. Their sizes are around 1x1x3 inches. They are beautifully crafted, I ordered them from TangingArt Studio from Shopee online, they are priced around at Php329.00, almost $6. Quite pricey for a miniature image but they are beautifully designed and crafted, 3d images. 

For now, I ordered 3 Dominican miniature statues, St. Dominic de Guzman, St. Catherine of Siena and St. Martin de Porres. I am familiar with the Dominican saints because I used to watch the canozzas that were lined up at the church in Sto. Domingo also known sa Our Lady of Holy Rosary La Naval de Manila, during their fiesta month which is in October. 

A bit of information about these saints. St. Dominic de Guzman is of Spanish nobility. I read that he is a good-looking fine gentleman. His mother is Blessed Joan of Aza. He is the father/founder of the Order of Preachers. He is known for battling the Albigensian heresy and it was he whom  Our Lady gave and taught how to pray the Holy Rosary. As a Marian devotee, the Holy Rosary is really important for me. That is why the Dominican order is very close to my heart. Their habit is composed of a white tunic with a black cappa or cloak. They wear this cloak over their white habit, and they have a rosary hanging on their belt. The Dominicans are also called as "Hounds of the Lord," in Latin Dominicans is rendered as Dominicanus, which is quite similar to Domini Canis or Hounds of the Lord. Also, this refers to the mother of St. Dominic in her dream she was shown a dog carrying a torch in its mouth. Thus, St. Dominic was indeed God's torch bearer, giving light to this world by preaching God'a truth and battling heresy. St. Dominic de Guzman is often depicted holding a lily and a bible and/or rules of their order, also with a dog and torch by his side.

Next is St. Catherine of Siena. I am familiar with her because I read her life once in the Lives of Saints when I was a young girl. She is an Italian virgin and saint and a lay Dominican and is considered as a Doctor of the church.  She also received the Stigmata. She is often depicted holding a lily, a symbol of purity and a heart. I read that Jesus gave her His heart in one of her visions. Her writing can be found in the Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena.

She also urged the Pope Gregory XI  to return the papacy to Rome. She is a a defender of faith and of the papacy.

Last but not the least is a lay Dominican brother St. Martin de Porres. He is a popular Dominican saint also and in easily recognizable because his color. He is often depicted holding a bread and holding a wooden stick, sometimes with a stray dog by his side. He is known for his kindness and his charity especially to the needed. His birth date is same as mine, 9th of December. I am also familiar with him because I also read his story in The Lives of Saints book. He is also known for his many miracles. He can bilocate or be seen in two places at the same time, levitate and he can communicate with animals. He is the illegitimate son of a Spanish nobleman and a black, indigenous freed slave. He is the patron saint of mixed race people, barbers, innkeepers, 

public health workers and those seeking social justice.

We as Roman Catholics are very blessed to have saints whom we can follow and look up to and better yet to idolize especially during these times where vanity and riches are given importance to. Only few young people now look up to God's holy servants. Let us pray for priestly and religious vocations all around the world! 

All Dominican Saints and Blessed! pray for us! 🌹

Spiritual Direction

          I have long wanted to have someone guide me spiritually. I have heard of priests as spiritual directors. I know that priests play a very vital role in the spiritual growth of a religious or a lay person. I am reminded of St. Faustina and her spiritual director, Blessed Michael Sopocko. 

I have had a few spiritual directors. Actually, I am the one who asked these priests to help me. As a lay Carmelite, I wanted to have a Carmelite spiritual director/guide so that he could understand me. I do not know what happened, but the priest who agreed to help me lacks enthusiasm; I am the only one who is proactive. The same goes for the other priests. I even asked a priest from the Discalced Carmelites, but they were all unsuccessful. My experience in the Third Order Carmelite is not very favorable. 

Fast forward to now. I want to wear the Dominican cross that I bought at Sto. Domingo Church. It was by chance that came across Bishop Napoleon "Jun" Sipalay, Jr. online. I am asking for his blessing and permission to wear a Dominican cross, even though I am not a member of any Dominican Laity family. He told me I can wear the Dominican cross. Actually, one Dominican priest told me that only the members of bonafide Dominican institutes can wear it. To be honest I cannot accept it so I looked for another opinion of a Dominican priest. Fr. Edmund Nantes. He said I can wear it and be faithful to what it symbolizes. 

 It also crossed my mind that I need a Dominican spiritual director even if I am not a member of the Dominican family. I know God sent Fr. Quirico to me through Bishop Jun. I know there's a reason why its Fr. Quirico. I read a lot of good comments about Fr. Quirico and I have seen his academic achievements that was posted online. We've had few conversations online and I really learned a lot from him.

One take away that I got from our conversation yesterday is that everything takes time. He even mentioned my favorite saint, St. Therese of Lisieux, we all know her story wherein she asked the Pope to let her enter the convent despite her age. 

I thank God for finally sending me a good spiritual director. Even if I am still not part officially of any Dominican associations. I will wait with great hope. May God's will be done.

The Dominican Way

           It has been a long time since I last posted in this blog of mine. A lot has happened. I already left the Third Order Carmelites last February of this month. I wrote them a letter saying I will not continue my formation and that I will not apply to the Postulancy. To be honest my heart is not 100% pure in joining the Carmelites, a part of me just thinks how lovely it would be if I am a part of a religious order. I also experienced stress in the Carmelite community because one of the head is insisting that I attend physically even if I already explained I cannot due to several factors. Plus, my husband does not approve me of joining because he said I should focus more on our family and with our toddler. I admit I already felt relieved when the The Third Order Carmelites sent me my letter of release from the order. 

Now, I am free. I am still restless. That's when started seeking other religious orders and I came back to the Franciscans, I emailed a few religious orders and only one replied, Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration (FSPA), I was accepted a few weeks ago even if I am outside the USA, and I emailed a lot of Dominican religious order that has an associate but I only got 1 reply and that is from the Adrian Dominicana. I submitted a letter of withdrawal to the FSPA today. I feel a bit bad because the director there, Michael Krueger was so kind to welcome me and accept even if I am from the overseas. This is my second time in joining the Franciscans, I don't but I just don't feel at home with them. 

While my application to the Adrian Dominican is not very clear. I was referred to a Dominican Sisters here in Pampanga whom the work closely. I have not heard any news from one of the Sisters whom I spoke with regarding my joining the associates. 

This month my husband accompanied me to the Sto. Domingo church in Quezon City, the same city where our office is located. It has been a long time since my last visit there. Such fond memories because eversince I was young we would hear mass here every fiesta and I would look at the different Dominican Saints and blessed on the canozzas at the church's hallways. The most saint that I am struck with or that has caught my attention is Bl. Margaret of Castello, now she is a saint. I want to add that I am familiar with Saint Martin de Porres. The number and month of St. Martin de Porres is similar to mine. 

I don't know what the future holds for me. I now entrust it to God and I pray for St. Dominic de Guzman to help me be a part of the Dominican order. I also thank the Holy Spirit for sending Bishop Napoleon Sipalay, Jr., O.P to help me and that Fr. Quirico Pedregosa, O.P will be my spiritual counsel if its God's will. 

Another interesting  event is that I was born at the University of Santo Tomas hospital. Firstly, I thank God for my late aunt who is an alumni of UST because of her my mom was sent to UST hospital and I also thank God for sending skilled doctor because I was a premature baby and according to the story that I heard I died already but I was just resuscitated. There are no accidents in life. Everything happened this or that way because it was meant to be. If God wants me to walk the Dominican way so be it!

Our Lady of Guadalupe (Mother of the Civilization of Love)

I remember watching a documentary about Our Lady of Guadalupe before. I was amazed by its story; there is more to the image. I was wondering why the image of Our Blessed Mother Mary was different in every apparition and in every place she appeared. Now, I understand that Our Blessed Mother wants the seer to feel close and be moved, that she is one with them, regardless of their nationality or the place where she appears. 

The second most visited Catholic site in the world is in Mexico: the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe. Our Blessed Mother appeared to Juan Diego on the 9th of December. This day is special to me; aside from being the feast day of St. Juan Diego, it is also the day of my birth! She requested that a church be erected at the site in her honor. Our Blessed Mother cured Juan Diego's sick uncle, and the miracle of the roses in winter, along with the image of Our Blessed Mother on Juan Diego's "tilma," or the cape worn by Juan Diego, was the proof of the apparition. A lot of miracles has happened attributed to Our Lady of Guadalupe's image.

I am very thankful that I was able to get the  lone copy from Fully Booked. I have a book before, about the many apparitions of our Blessed Mother (the ones that were approved by the Catholic church). This book about Our Lady of Guadalupe is comprehensive and a must-buy for all her devotees! 

Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us! 🌹

A Blessed Birthday Indeed

          Last Monday, the 9th of December, I was able to celebrate my birthday simply. We went to SM Marilao and ate at David's Tea House. We were able to hear mass that evening but we were late because of the traffic. I am very happy because our Blessed Mother's feast day was moved on the day of my birthday! Before I wished that my birthday is on the 8th of December! The celebration of the Feast of the Immaculate Conception was moved to December 9, because the Feast coincided with the Sunday mass and we are in the Season of Advent. Our parish priest said that the Advent more important compared to the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. 

After the mass we were serenaded by the seminarians from Immaculate Conception Major Seminary in Guiguinto, Bulacan. They sang a beautiful rendition of "Aba Ginoong Maria." They were the ones who produced the melody. This day was really a blessing! I thank our Almighty Father for everything and for letting me feel how to be truly a spiritual daughter of our Blessed Mother Mary! Like the motto of saint Pope John Paul II, I am totally yours, our Blessed Mother Mary!

Christine Watkins and The Warning Book

           I am a follower of Adrian Milag, a Catholic vlogger and a YouTuber. He has interviewed a lot of guests who from lay people to priests mostly exorcists and informs us the reality about the devil and about the spiritual warfare. Recently, he interviewed my favorite Dominican priest, Fr. Winston Cabading, O.P. He is a professor in University of Santo Tomas and an exorcist. He also has videos online, answering questions from the public about our Catholic faith. In my experience, one of the reasons that contributed to me leaving the Catholic church is my weak faith. I am questioning things and I thought God has left me when I experienced a heartbreak. I am familiar with the Catholic bible but I never read it like how the Protestants would do it. We have a rich tradition and even the Church Fathers like St. Augustine, his teachings was studies by Protestants. 

The episode with Ms. Christine Watkins, her life story is also inspiring. She lives a wayward life and then she became sick of ovarian cancer. She was an atheist, her friend's prayer has helped her have faith especially to our Blessed Mother Mary. Her cancer was cured and now she is an active speaker from the Queen of Peace media. I have her book about The Miraculous Medal. You can know about it in one of my blog posts here. My question was also featured in the show. My former handle in Youtube was The Pilgrims Pen but now I changed it to LVictoria. The @ sign is pilgrimspen still. 

In the U.S of A, another very relevant topic was being shown in movie theaters. I hope that this movie will also be shown here in the Philippines. We need this so much now. Nowadays, we have seen wars, famine, our society and the character of youths today has declined, most of them resorting the the New Age or the occult, so addicted to social media and most of their time were consumed by it, most of them also don't give time to their spiritual life. As Christine has mentioned according to Saint John Paul II, we should call things as they are. For example, the occult it is wicked so we should call all these things as wicked! Do now water down things. There is this book also by Christine Watkins, entitled The Warning, this book is about the illumination of souls. In this book were testimonies from people who were shown the state of their souls. In the Bible, we were warned about the end times and now the things that was mentioned there is coming true. Many of us are bound to damnation but the mercies of God and his love for us will not allow that to happen. This book, I believe is one of our wake-up call to repent and change. Because if the second coming of our Lord Jesus would happen now we are all in danger. I am listening to an audiobook of this posted freely in YouTube. I plan to buy this book someday but I need to save up for it. It is quite expensive. It costs a thousand pesos here. To those interested in buying it, it is available online in Lazada and Shopee. We must act now before its not too late!

A Vist to St. Pauls Religious Store

           Yesterday, during lunch I went to SM North Edsa to buy a few things. My husband wants to buy goblets and we needed a cross for the upcoming house blessing. We moved in our new house June of this year. The blessing has long been postponed we haven't put in order the things in our house and we have been very busy, and my mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. So last week my husband accompanied me to the hospital and I had my mammogram done. 

I was able to buy the things that we need. I was able to buy a simple dress that I will wear tomorrow, I also bought the goblets that my husband wanted and lastly I was able to buy a few religious items. All of these of course, was permitted by my husband because he is in charge of our finances. He also handles my money (salary). Our set-up is different from other couples. I think I was able to mention it in one of my previous posts before.

Going to St. Pauls religious store evoked a lot of good memories. I remember my childhood days, when its my birthday I would buy nothing but religious items and books. My favorite aunt, the one I grew up with would give me money as birthday presents and I would go to the religious store to buy books. I remember going home happily. I would go into my room and I browse at the things or books that I bought. Sadly, all of my religious books collection when I was still young, I disposed them when I became a Protestant. Those were really precious books. Because among them were my aunts books. I lost the book, Bernadette and Lourdes by Michael De Saint-Pierre. It was a very good book about St. Bernadette and her life as a religious sister. Also, books given to me by the late Msgr. Severino G. Casas, H.P., former parish priest of Our Lady of Fatima Church was also lost..He gave me a St. Therese of Lisiuex book with dedication from him. I really regretted deeply what I did. Those were valuable books. I also have books about Christ passion, the Stigmata and a lot more. If given a chance I would like to study more about the lives of saints, the Catholic faith and everything related to our faith. I pray that my joining the Third Order Carmelite will be an instrument for me to be able to accomplish that. 

I was able to buy a beautiful rosary. Actually, I don't believe now in birthstone rosary. Believe in charms and crystals is part of the occult. But I admire the gemstones and that's it. It is only a precious stone and nothing more. One particular reason why I bought this rosary its because it reminded me of my wedding in the Minor Basilica of the Immaculate Conception Metropolitan Manila Cathedral, or simply known as the Manila Cathedral. Our Blessed Mother Mary, the Immaculate Conception is the patroness of that church. So between St. Benedict rosary and the Immaculate Conception rosary, I chose the latter one. It is such a beautiful rosary it has a rose in each bead which is a gemstone zircon. In the middle part of the rosary there's the beautiful image of the Immaculate Conception. I also recently, have a devotion to St. Michael and all the holy angels. Our Blessed Mother Mary is known as the Queen of Angels too! She has supreme dignity as the mother of God, that's why she's superior to them and she reigns over all the angels! Satan is afraid of her! So we should also have a special devotion to our Blessed Mother Mary, that she will protect us and cover us with her blue mantle. The case of the rosary has a month of December marked and title of our Blessed Mother. This rosary if supposed to be for those born in December. It is actually my birth month and also my husband. This rosary is a bit expensive and I told my husband my previous rosary which is the Divine Mercy was destroyed by our daughter who is a toddler when she played with it.

Did you know that the rosary means "crown of roses". Our Lady has revealed to several people that each time they say a Hail Mary they are giving her a beautiful rose and that each complete Rosary makes her a crown of roses. I also bought a stampita, of the holy name of our Lord Jesus to be put inside the house. I thank God for the a beautiful yesterday. I pray our Almighty Father will bless me and my family everyday and keep us safe from evil. Amen!

Post-Wedding Anniversary

           Yesterday, was our 4th wedding anniversary. I thank God for giving me this family even if its not the perfect family that I have dreamed of. We had a lot of fights and many times I have expressed that I want to give up on this marriage if not for our daughter. Yes, ours is not a smooth- sailing marriage. So I am reminded of the life of Saint Rita. Her married life was a lot worse than mine but she persevered. 

My advice to those who wanted to get married. Do not rush. Pray for your future spouse. Do not marry a non-Roman Catholic guy even if that person is kind. There are things that are negotiable and non-negotiables. One thing that I am thankful for, because of my husband I really became firm in being Catholic. You know I gradually came back to church. I am not the only one who is Catholic and became a Protestant and then returned to the Catholic faith again. Recently I came to know the story of Fr. Winston Cabading, O.P (exorcist priest and a Dominican) who also became a Protestant but returned back to the Catholic faith.

I will post a prayer here for all couples. Do not forget to pray with your spouse everyday. Remember love is more than just a feeling, it is a choice and decision that you make everyday. So no matter how hard the problem is with your marriage, never stop praying, keep the faith!

Thankful

           I am simply thankful now to our Lord God. He has given me a lot of things to be thankful for. I know I am contented in this state of life I am now but a lot of things still troubles me. My marital life is not that blissful but I know the downs that I am experiencing, my husband tribulations in his job and family life, everything has a reason.

         As I am writing this down, I realize God's goodness toward me. He led me to the married life because He knows if I become single, I will be burdened even more with my family problems. My older brother and I, we are not really okay. He has been discouraging me in having a boyfriend, getting married and even having a child (during the pandemic season, saying it is difficult). I don't and will not ever regret getting married. I also thank God for giving me a cute and lovely daughter even if she's very naughty. When I see my husband and child and our beautiful and simple house in the province, I am thankful to Him. I am thankful that He gave me a religious family through my husband, his parents are church servers and religious. They are also church goers. 

        Before I dreamed of having my own laptop. My late aunt whom I call Mama Nitz gave me one. But that one was already broken a long  time ago. Now, I bought my own tablet, reasonably price and it works well. I can do this simple typing and watch from YouTube. My guardian angel is a witness to this. I also will  try to be faithful to Him as a Carmelite. In the end, My Lord Jesus is the only One, the One who can fill the empty void in my heart. Always, I will be thankful to Him, even if I don't say it often, He knows my heart more than I do.

Carmel is Where My Heart Is

            A blessed day today! I thank our Lord God for letting me return to my religious and spiritual family, the Carmelites. I also thank Bro. Ioannes Laurentius, OCarm, for referring me to this Carmelite community that I am fit to be. I was a former aspirant in the Order of the Secular Discalced Carmelite wayback, and if you have read my blog, I desire to study the Carmelite life and works of great saints and doctors of the church. I am accepted as an aspirant now in the Carmelite Order of the Ancient Observance, O'Carm. The OCDS is the community that was reformed by St. Teresa of Avila. This may be two different communities but they all belong to the Carmelite family.

My devotion to our Blessed mother and the saints that I look up to from Carmel and their way of life is the reason why Carmel is close to my heart. My community's patron saint is St. Telesphorus. This is our coat of arms. 

I was also able to get a beautiful 3rd class relic with all of our Carmelite family there. It is framed and I put in it my religious books cabinet in our master's bedroom at home. I could not ask for more. Even if it took a long time, I found the place where I should be. My heart is joyful and contented now. May my footsteps always follow our Lord Jesus.As our coat of arms motto, "To Live in Obedience to Christ Jesus!" To Jesus, through Mary! 

A Visit to the Franciscan Secular Order

            Last Sunday, I was able to attend the Secular Franciscan monthly meeting. It is every 3rd Sunday of the month. Sr. Precy Cruz, SFO invited and welcomed me. I am not fully 100% made up that I will join their order. It is hard to forget my Carmelite family. I was an Order of the Discalced Carmelites aspirant before. I was accepted in the Carmelites convent in Gilmore, Quezon City. Every month I attended our meeting at Carmel House of Prayer in New Manila, Quezon City. Many years ago has passed and even if I did not become a religious nun, there is still an empty space in my heart, that I know only God can fill. Maybe, this is God put me. To be a mother and a wife. Still my desire to be closer with God and learn more of him did not die. 

I sat with the Secular Franciscans. The meeting was held at the Multi-Purpose Hall of St. Francis Parish Church in Meycauayan, Bulacan. It is considered one of the oldest church if I'm not mistaken. After praying the Franciscan rosary (this is different with the regular rosary that we are familiar with), bible readings, they also shared personal stories, a lot of the members were flooded, most of the members houses and things were submerged in floodwaters. They were all teary eyed and a few cried recounting their stories. 

Most of the members were in their senior already. Only three of us were the young ones in the group. I don't want to join this order half-heartedly. I just felt that I don't belong in their community. 

There are many Franciscans well-loved saints by everyone, I like St. Anthony of Padua who is a Franciscan is one of my favorite saint, I have a 3rd class relic of his, piece of cloth that touched his tongue. As an observer in this community I thank the Lord for the opportunity to experience being with another spiritual family. Still, I pray that I might go back to Carmel. 

Rebuilding My Collection of Books

I was thinking of what should I post next here in my blog. Two weeks ago I was able to put my collection of Catholic books in my cabinet. We moved here in Bulacan about 2 months ago. Little by little we are able to organize and put our things in their proper place. During the pandemic I was able to buy a few Catholic books that are hard to find in a local bookstore. I am rebuilding my collection again. I am regretting that I disposed my collection of Roman Catholic books when I joined a Protestant (Independent Baptist) group in 2011. 

 started collecting those books when I was still a young girl. I got interested in religious books when my aunt gave me a Lives of Saints book from St. Paul's Bookstore. I also love the magazines of my aunt, The Life of St. Agnes, St. Thomas More, and St. Rita of Cascia. They were all bought from St. Paul Bookstore by the Daughters of St. Paul and Society of St. Paul (priests).

Here are some of the titles that I have collected again since the pandemic. I also included my journals which I wrote when I was still a teenager. 

List of My Collections: 

I. CATHOLIC DOCTRINE, CATECHISM & THEOLOGY 

1. Catechism of the Catholic Church 

2. The Student's Catholic Doctrine 

3. The Catholic Church Has the Answer 

4. The Seven Sacraments 

5. Practical Theology: Spiritual Direction from St. Thomas Aquinas — Peter Kreeft 

II. SCRIPTURE & BIBLICAL STUDIES 

6. Understanding the Scriptures — Scott Hahn 

7. The Bible from a Scratch 

8. The Family of God — Scott Hahn

 9. The New American Bible 

10. The Parables of Jesus 

11. Hark the Herald: How the Bible Tells Us When Jesus Was Born — Fr. Gerardo R. Tapiador

12. Hark the Herald 2: The Story of the Manger of Jesus Christ — Fr. Gerardo R. Tapiador 

13. Bible Diary 2026

III. CATHOLIC APOLOGETICS & DEFENSE OF THE FAITH 

14. Reasons to Believe — Scott Hahn 

15. Rome Sweet Home — Scott and Kimberly Hahn 

16. The Catholic Guide to Miracles: Separating the Authentic from the Counterfeit — Adam Blai 

17. The True Icon: From the Shroud of Turin to the Veil of Manoppello

 IV. CHRISTIAN & CATHOLIC SPIRITUALITY 

18. The Imitation of Christ 

19. The Way, The Furrow, The Forge — St. Josemaría Escrivá 

20. Healing Moments — Fr. Jerry M. Orbos, SVD 

21. Moments — Fr. Jerry M. Orbos, SVD 

22. Strength in Darkness: Wisdom from St. John of the Cross 

23. The Gospel of Love According to Juan/a 

24. No Moment Too Small — Norvene Vest 

25. Thoughts Matter — Mary Margaret Funk, OSB 

26. The Steps of Humility and Pride — St. Bernard of Clairvaux 

V. MARIAN SPIRITUALITY & MARIOLOGY 

27. 33 Days to Morning Glory 

28. See How She Loves Us: 50 Approved Apparitions of Mary

29. The Blue Scapular: Scapular of the Immaculate Conception 

30. 10 Wonders of the Rosary 

31. The Secret of the Rosary 

32. Miraculous Medal: Pendant of Power 

33. The Meaning of Akita 

34. The Life of Mary as Seen by the Mystics — Raphael Brown 

35. True Devotion to Mary — St. Louis de Montfort 

36. Our Lady of Guadalupe: Mother of the Civilization of Love 

37. The Life of the Blessed Virgin Mary: From the Visions of Ven. Anne Catherine Emmerich 

VI. ST. JOSEPH SPIRITUALITY 

38. Consecration to St. Joseph 

VII. DIVINE MERCY 

39. Divine Mercy in My Soul: Diary of St. Faustina 

40. 33 Days to Merciful Love 

41. Understanding the Divine Mercy — Fr. Chris Alar 

VIII. SPIRITUAL WARFARE, EXORCISM & DELIVERANCE 

42. Deliverance Prayers — Fr. Chad Ripperger 

43. Exorcist, Volumes 1, 2 & 3 — Fr. Jose Francisco Syquia 

44. The Exorcist Files — Joy Cuadrante 

45. An Exorcist Explains the Demonic — Fr. Gabriele Amorth 

46. The Exorcist Files II — Joy Cuadrante 

47. Catholic Handbook of Deliverance Prayer — Fr. Jose Francisco C. Syquia 

48. Father Amorth: My Battle Against Satan — Fr. Gabriele Amorth 

49. The Exorcist Files — Fr. Carlos Martins

 50. Dominion — Fr. Chad Ripperger 

51. The Diary of an American Exorcist — Msgr. Stephen Rossetti 

52. The Liber Christo Method: A Field Manual for Spiritual Combat 

IX. SAINTS' LIVES & HAGIOGRAPHY 

53. Saint Stanislaus Papczyński 

54. Lives of Saints 

55. God's Great Miracle and Worker: St. Anthony of Padua 

56. Blesseds and Saints Carmelites 

57. St. John Mary Vianney, the Curé of Ars: A Parish Priest for All the World 

58. Catherine of Siena: A Life of Passion and Purpose 

59. 101 Questions and Answers on Saints

 60. Bernadette 

61. St. Carlo Acutis: The Cyber Apostle of the Eucharist 

X. SAINTS' DIARIES, AUTOBIOGRAPHIES & SPIRITUAL MEMOIRS 

62. Story of a Soul — St. Thérèse of Lisieux 

63. The Diary of St. Gemma Galgani 

64. Hope: The Autobiography — Pope Francis 

65. The Seven Storey Mountain — Thomas Merton 

XI. MYSTICISM, VISIONS & PRIVATE REVELATION 

66. Mga Tula ni Sta. Teresa de Jesús — Poems of St. Teresa of Ávila 

67. Hildegard of Bingen: Mystical Writings

68. The Visions of Saint Frances of Rome: Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven Revealed 

XII. BENEDICTINE & OBLATE SPIRITUALITY 

69. The Rule of St. Benedict 

70. Nun Sense — Sr. Mary John Mananzan, OSB 

71. Thoughts Matter — Mary Margaret Funk, OSB 

72. The Cross and Medal of St. Benedict: A Mystical Sign of Divine Power 

73. Oblate Formation Booklet and Other Oblate Resources from St. Vincent Archabbey 

74. Benedict in the World: Portrait of Monastic Oblates

XIII. DOMINICAN HISTORY, SPIRITUALITY & PREACHING 

75. Beginnings of the Filipino Dominicans — Fr. Rolando dela Rosa, OP 

76. Talambuhay ni Sto. Domingo de Guzman — Fray Jigs Villaflores 

77. St. Dominic: A Saint for Impossible Causes — Fray Jigs Villaflores 

78. A Preacher's Calling — Fr. Quirico Pedregosa, OP 

79. For the Sake of Preaching the Gospel — Fr. Quirico Pedregosa, OP 

XIV. CHRISTOLOGY, THE PASSION & THE EUCHARIST 

80. Through the Mysteries of Light 

81. The Greatest Treasure: Considerations on the Daily Mass 

82. Yeshua, Son of Man 

83. 100 Eucharistic Miracles 

84. The Wisdom of the Saints on the Eucharist 

85. A Guide to the Passion: 100 Questions About the Passion of Christ 

86. The Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ: From the Visions of Anne Catherine Emmerich 

XV. LITURGY & PRAYER 

87. 30 Favorite Novenas 

88. The Catholic Assembly Book 

89. Christian Prayer: The Liturgy of the Hours 

90. Pieta Prayer Booklet 

XVI. CHURCH HISTORY & CATHOLIC HISTORY 

91. My First History of the Church 

92. Church Fathers — Pope Benedict XVI 

93. A Vatican Journey: Fifty Milestones — Pope Francis 

XVII. RELICS & CATHOLIC SACRED OBJECTS 

94. More Precious Than Gold — Book about Relics 

XVIII. FAMILY & CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS 

95. Relationships: A Mess Worth Making 

(Protestant Self-Help book)

XIX. CATHOLIC PERIODICALS 

96. Old Catholic Digest 

XX. CHRISTIAN PARENTING & FAMILY LIFE 

97. Children and Parents: Wisdom and Guidance for Parents — Venerable Fulton J. Sheen 

XXI. CANON LAW

98. Canonical Issues Related to Religious Life

99. Code of Canon Law (New Amendments) Paulines Publishing House

(Updated list: October 1, 2026)

St. Michael and his Relic Rock

         Apparition of St. Michael the Archangel at Mt. Gargano in Italy. 

 In the year 492 a man named Gargan was pasturing his large herds in the countryside. One day a bull fled to the mountain, where at first it could not be found. When its refuge in a cave was discovered, an arrow was shot into the cave, but the arrow returned to wound the one who had sent it. Faced with so mysterious an occurrence, the persons concerned decided to consult the bishop of the region. He ordered three days of fasting and prayers. After three days, the Archangel Saint Michael appeared to the bishop and declared that the cavern where the bull had taken refuge was under his protection, and that God wanted it to be consecrated under his name and in honor of all the Holy Angels.

Accompanied by his clergy and people, the pontiff went to that cavern, which he found already disposed in the form of a church. The divine mysteries were celebrated there, and there arose in this same place a magnificent temple where the divine Power has wrought great miracles. To thank God's adorable goodness for the protection of the holy Archangel, the effect of His merciful Providence, this feast day was instituted by the Church in his honor.

It is said of this special guardian and protector of the Church that, during the final persecution of Antichrist, he will powerfully defend it: At that time shall Michael rise up, the great prince who protects the children of thy people. (Dan. 12:1) Compare this text with Chapter 10 of the Apocalypse of Saint John.

St. Michael is depicted as a warrior angel with breastplate and sword, vanquishing the evil one. He is also depicted as an angel holding the scales. It is said that he weighs souls on his perfectly balanced scales.

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I was blessed to finally have this rock from Mt. Gargano in Italy. I thank the Lord for letting me be connected with people that I don't even know who has been instrumental with me obtaining this rock. I am not that rich to be able to travel to Italy but I hope that I will be able to visit these holy sites in Europe and the Holy Land while I'm here on earth.  I just started having a devotion to St. Michael and the archangels. I just feel the need to ask for their intercession. I also bought a fancy bracelet with St. Michael engraved on it. Just had it blessed by a priest before. 

During these dark times. We must have the friendly companions of our angelic friends. For they help us get close to God and they also offer their protection.