My Journey From Darkness to the Light of Christ

Today was a very fruitful day. I was able to fix my cabinet. My cabinet, which is full of my religious books, was in a bit of disarray because I had simply shoved all the books inside. Now, I have somehow arranged the books neatly. They are not really categorized, but at least they are sitting neatly inside my cabinet now.

As I have mentioned, I have studied spiritual warfare for quite a while now, particularly in my later adult years. My spiritual life has had its ups and downs. Some of you might think that I have a very strong religious foundation, but that is not the case. There are even priests and religious who have left the Roman Catholic Church and never returned.

I thank God for opening my eyes and allowing me to experience what it was like outside of the Catholic Church. I have seen different beliefs and practices and have come to understand that many things have their roots in the Roman Catholic Church, including the Eastern Catholic Churches.

As I have mentioned before, I was once swayed and went toward the dark and occult side. I watched those teenage American witchcraft series that carried messages about believing in yourself, having powers within you, and being one with nature. Back then, as a teenager, I had many insecurities, along with the pressure to excel in my studies—particularly in Math, which was my weakness and remains my least favorite subject until now. I am still not very fond of it.

I was influenced by a schoolmate of mine. She was younger than me, and mind you, I was studying in a Catholic school. At that time, the high school was an exclusive school for girls. I was educated in one of the institutions run by the Daughters of Charity and Vincentian priests.

That is why the Miraculous Medal is also very close to my heart. My family and I are enrolled as members for life.

My teenage life was quite rough. That was when my favorite shirt was black, and I listened to rock music—sometimes even heavy metal. Then I became involved in the occult, chanting from The Book of the Dead, reading, and becoming hooked on vampire stories. The occult was difficult to remove from my system. I confessed about it many times, but it kept coming back—even in my late 30s.

I also watched the popular Harry Potter movies. I truly believe that this is not a good thing, even though many parents believe it is harmless. To me, it is witchcraft disguised and presented in a harmless way.

In the Holy Bible, our Lord God strongly condemns fortune-telling, sorcery, and witchcraft, calling them an abomination. These practices lead a person to place their trust in another power rather than trusting God alone.

To cut the story short, I flunked my Math subject instead of passing it. Yet God has always been very good to me. Before, I was heartbroken because I had failed. But now, looking back, I realize that if I had passed, I might still have been lost and living a wayward life. The schoolmate who influenced me eventually dropped out of school.

I came to know the St. Benedict Medal when I was a child. I thank my late aunt, whom I called Mama Nitz. I became familiar with the medal because of her, as well as with the Holy Name of Jesus stampita.

Now, I wear the St. Benedict Medal not only as a faithful Catholic, but also because I am an Oblate novice of the Order of St. Benedict. I thank God for the grace of placing me where I am today.

It is not advisable to become overly focused on exorcists or exorcism. Too much or excessive focus on anything is not good. But as Catholics, we should be knowledgeable and vigilant.

Shown here are my collection of books by foreign and local exorcists, whom I admire for their faith, calling, and bravery in fighting evil in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

For Filipino readers and those who are just starting to learn about spiritual warfare, I recommend Fr. Jose Syquia's three-part series, as well as the local book The Exorcist Files, which contains compiled stories of exorcist priests in the Philippines. This is different from Fr. Carlos Martins' book, which was released in 2023.

I also suggest having a Catholic handbook of deliverance prayers by Fr. Jose Syquia, as well as the one by Fr. Chad Ripperger. For a more in-depth and educational formal work—one that is quite heavy because it also involves psychology—I recommend Fr. Chad Ripperger's Dominion.

You should also have in your collection the books of the late Fr. Gabriele Amorth. You may also try reading the popular podcaster Fr. Carlos Martins' book, The Exorcist Files, as well as Msgr. Stephen Rossetti's Diary of an American Exorcist.

Our world is in chaos now, and all the more we should pray for our priests who are engaged in spiritual warfare. As the Bible says in Ephesians 6:12, our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers and rulers of the darkness of this world.

As we live our lives here on earth, knowing that our time here is short and that we are merely pilgrims passing through, we must choose which side we are on: good or evil, light or darkness.

As for me, I choose the light of Christ.

Movie Review: Nefarious

           

I've read many books on exorcism and spiritual warfare over the years. To many people, it's a frightening and unusual topic to explore. I think that's largely because mainstream media and Hollywood often portray exorcism as something far more terrifying and sensational than what experienced exorcists actually describe.

I own the complete set of books by Fr. Jose Francisco Syquia, Director of the Office of Exorcism of the Archdiocese of Manila. I also have several books on spiritual warfare written by respected foreign exorcists such as Fr. Gabriele Amorth, Msgr. Stephen Rossetti, and Fr. Chad Ripperger. Reading their works has given me a deeper appreciation of the Church's teaching on spiritual warfare and the importance of relying on God's grace rather than living in fear.

The Philippines is also blessed to have Asia's first dedicated exorcism center—the St. Michael Center for Spiritual Liberation and Exorcism.

If you truly want a more realistic and faith-centered portrayal of exorcism, I highly recommend watching this film. It has also been recommended by well-known exorcists such as Fr. Winston Cabading, O.P., and Fr. Carlos Martins, C.C.

The story begins with the mysterious death of a psychiatrist. It follows Dr. James Martin, an atheist psychiatrist, who is tasked with evaluating Edward Wayne Brady, a convicted serial killer. His findings will determine whether Brady is legally insane—and whether he will be spared or sentenced to the electric chair. As the story unfolds, the film explores profound themes of demonic influence, faith, skepticism, and the enduring battle between good and evil. One scene from the movie that struck me and is one of the scene that you should be watch out for is when Dr. Martin asked how Brady got possessed by Nefarious, the devil answered it is a process involving bad choices, immoral acts and temptations. 

Whether one agrees with every aspect of the film or not, it reminds us that our greatest battle is not merely physical but also spiritual. In a world filled with confusion, violence, temptation, and moral darkness, we are called to remain vigilant, deepen our relationship with God, and, as St. Paul reminds us, "put on the whole armor of God" (Ephesians 6:11).

If you haven't watched this movie yet, I encourage you to give it a chance. In my opinion, it is one of the more thoughtful and grounded films on the subject, especially when compared with many Hollywood possession movies that focus primarily on horror and sensationalism. 

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✠ May our Lord Jesus Christ cover us with His Precious Blood, and may our Blessed Mother Mary protect us beneath her holy mantle.

St. Michael the Archangel, pray for us!

Solemnity of the Transitus of St. Benedict

 

 Today, is the Transitus or the remembrance of the holy death of St. Benedict. For us Benedictines, we celebrate 2 feasts days. One is on March 21 and the other is on July 11. 

So today we ask for our holy father, St. Benedict to pray for us that we may follow his example to persevere in faith until our last days here on earth.

I would like to thank St. Benedict for his intercession for a successful gastroscopy and colonoscopy procedure of mine yesterday.

Let us pray, St. Benedict's prayer. 

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Gracious and Holy Father,

give us the wisdom to discover you,

the intelligence to understand you,

the diligence to seek after you,

the patience to wait for you,

eyes to behold you,

a heart to meditate upon you,

and a life to proclaim you,

through the power of the Spirit of Jesus,

our Lord. Amen.

Novice Oblate of St. Benedict

 Until now, I still find it amazing that I am part of the Benedictine family. For many years, I searched for a religious order where I truly belonged. I explored different paths and even received referrals from several priests, yet for various reasons, I did not pursue or remain in those communities.

My journey toward religious life has not been without wounds. Some past experiences caused me pain, but little by little, I am learning to let go and trust that God meets us where we are. Our Oblates director, who is also my spiritual director, once told me that the struggles I faced before my investiture were meant to strengthen my commitment as a Novice Oblate.

One of the things I love about the Rule of St. Benedict is its spirit of moderation and balance. It teaches a path of holiness that harmonizes prayer, work, and daily life.

For a long time, I thought I was meant to become a Carmelite, and I tried very hard to follow that path. I did not expect that the order I longed for would bring me so much pain. I just wanted to belong to a community of understanding, like-minded individuals who could guide me in living faithfully in the secular world. I wanted to grow in prayer, dwell in God’s Word, and learn more about Him and His saints. God is witness to the tears I have shed. I admit that, in part, there was a selfish reason I considered returning to the Carmelites, yet God had a different plan. Though I did not become a Carmelite, He gently led me to another beautiful monastic contemplative community—the Benedictine way of life.

Looking back, I see God’s hand guiding me through every step. He truly knows what is best for His children.

That in all things, God may be glorified. 

About Third Order and Oblates

When I was invested as a Benedictine Oblate Novice in our parish, some parishioners asked me what it meant and what happened during the investiture. One church server even thought I was a new convert to the Catholic Church.

To explain it simply. In the hierarchy of the Catholic Church, the First Order is for priests and friars. The Second Order is for religious sisters and nuns who also take vows like the first order. Lastly, the Third Order is for lay people. They live out the charism or spirituality of a religious order while living in the world. Examples are the Third Order Carmelites and Benedictine Oblates.

Some well-known Third Orders are the Carmelites, Dominicans, Franciscans, Augustinians, and Servites. I myself once became an aspirant in the secular branch of the Order of Discalced Carmelites and Third Order Carmelites. 

Members of these groups usually make promises to live according to the spirituality of the order. Oblates, on the other hand, are people who are spiritually attached to a specific Benedictine monastery. Like yours truly. The purpose of the Third Order or becoming an oblate is to deepen one’s faith and live the charism of the order while remaining in the secular world.

Each order has a different charism. For example, those drawn to prayer and contemplation may be attracted to the Carmelite spirituality. Because of this, there is usually an observation or formation period to help a person discern if that path is truly for them.

Let me quote: (From online source:)

"Third Orders are usually connected to mendicant orders like the Franciscans, Dominicans, and Carmelites. Oblates are connected to monastic communities such as the Benedictines.

Third Order members often gather in local groups or chapters. Oblates are usually connected directly to one monastery. Third Order members often take part in apostolic or charitable works related to their order. Oblates follow the Benedictine spirit of prayer and work, living it in their daily life at home. Members of Third Orders are sometimes called tertiaries. Members connected to a monastery are called oblates, which comes from a Latin word meaning “to offer oneself.”

In the end, there are many ways to grow closer to God and deepen our faith. These spiritual families are gifts that help us live a more Christ-centered life. 

A Beautiful Gift From God

 Finally, after almost a month, I received my parcel from Saint Vincent Archabbey in Pennsylvania, USA. I am deeply grateful to the Director of Oblates for accepting me, and for allowing me to have my investiture in my own parish.

This experience means so much to me because of what I went through in the past. I was formerly part of the Third Order Carmelites, but I withdrew from my formation because of an incident in which my investiture was put on hold. One of the lay leaders insisted that I attend physical formation meetings, even though I had already explained my situation to our National Formator. Sadly, my circumstances were not understood. 

I have tried joining a lot of lay religious and consecrated order and community when I was still single and as a married woman. When I was still single I joined the Cenacle Auxiliaries (vowed lay women), Order of the Discalced Carmelites Secular and then as a married woman I tried to look into the Franciscans (my heart is not really in their charism), Third Order of Carmelites and also the Lay Cistercian in the US. In the end I was accepted and I chose the Benedictine because of the balance in work and prayer. The order is not extremely strict it is a balance of moderation.

He kept comparing my situation to his own, saying that in his time he attended in-person meetings. At that time, however, I could not do the same—especially because my husband wanted me to focus on our family, and I also had a three-year-old child. The pressure became so heavy that I found myself crying. My husband saw how deeply affected I was by what was happening in our Third Order community. Because of this, I decided not to continue toward postulancy and formally withdrew from the Third Order Carmelites.

Even though the Carmelite family has always been very dear to me—especially because of Thérèse of Lisieux—I had to let go because of the painful and traumatic experiences I went through there.

Now, I truly believe that God has given me the religious family I have been longing for in the Benedictine family, particularly through Saint Vincent Archabbey. Truly, God knows best.

Benedict of Nursia and Scholastica, pray for us—for all Oblates and all Benedictines.

The Desert Fathers

          I have seen a documentary from EWTn about The Desert Fathers. Since I am drawn to monasticism and of course as a Benedictine by heart and I am studying also under the Cistercian as an associate, it is important for me to know about them.

The documentary started when Paul of Thebes runaway because of persecution of Christians and also he is regarded as the first Christian hermit.

One character that has struck me is how they are detached from the world but never forget to pray for all the people. They also gave us a beautiful teaching of never be enticed by worldly treasures because everything else here in this world is temporary. I also saw how they live. He wove leaves of palm tree for his garment and live only on dates and water from a nearby spring. One amazing story is how a raven always brings him a half of loaf bread daily. Such kindred souls with these two holy souls! When St. Paul of Thebes died in a posture in prayer, St. Anthony then wrapped the body of St. Paul with the cloak from St. (Bishop) Athanasius for burial.

I also love the part of the documentary when St. Anthony the Great searched to find Paul, to find a kindred spirit. I pray that I may find my kindred one too spiritually. No one understand one's spiritual journey unless you're in the same level of understanding. People from the secular world won't understand and also even members from our family may find us weird or strange, and we might even be mocked or persecuted. When I was a reader during my highschool days at mass in our school chapel, I will never forget a verse from my reading, "Vanity of vanities, says Qoheleth. All things are vanity!" I asked one of the religious sisters (Daughters of Charity, my school was run by them.) how to pronounce Qoheleth, so I will never forget this line. 

What lessons thus we can learn from The Desert Fathers. In solitude can we really hear God, we need to take a pause and take time to reflect despite with our busy life in this world. Everything is temporary. We must not be enticed with the riches of this world, to live only for the riches, to enjoy and indulge in wine, food and sex. The belief that "YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE." So enjoy when you have the time is very wrong. We only live one so we must do the right things. 

St. Jerome in his letters strongly criticized the rich and wealthy people. For him it is immoral to live lavishly while others suffered! Isn't what he wrote also echoes what is happening in our society today?  Corruption is rampant, the poor are getting poorer because of this. 

In ending, we can find God in solitude, practice humility and detachment from worldly distractions to achieve purity of heart. Practice silence one of the things I learned from one of the books that I am studying now, do self-examination and always never forget pray! Pray unceasingly! 

On Wearing Chapel Veil or Mantilla

Wearing a veil or chapel veil dates back to the early Christian Church. During the time of Vatican I, women cover their heads with a veil when they enter a church, chapel, or when they attend Mass.

At that time, in Catholic practice, women were expected by custom to cover their heads in church. It was considered part of proper modesty and reverence during worship.

St. Paul writes about this in 1 Corinthians, chapter 11. This is more of a custom. According to Fr. Mike Schmitz, we are free to make use of it, just like other sacramentals such as scapulars, etc.

One Benedictine monk once told Fr. Mike Schmitz that if you are doing something that sets you apart in public worship or public liturgy, as distinct from everyone else, then you should take a moment and ask, “Why am I doing this?”

Nowadays, women are not required to wear a veil. Let me cite from Wikipedia: current Catholic canon law does not require women to wear veils or head coverings at Mass; the 1983 Code of Canon Law repealed the earlier explicit requirement.

But personally, for me, the practice of wearing a veil in church even if it sets you apart from the community, where usually only older women, mostly seniors and grandmothers, wear veil. For me, wearing one is a sign of reverence to God and to the Holy Eucharist. It is an act of showing you respect to our Lord God and it expresses modesty more than simply wearing your Sunday's best.

Let us make ourselves beautifully proper for our Lord God and to always be on time when attending mass. If you can be beautifully and handsomely dressed when facing your loved one and on time on your date and meeting. All the more you should be ready, prepared and on time for mass! Shouldn't we be ashamed of ourselves when we are on time in other events but often come late at mass!

I'm thankful to my former Third Order Carmelite family for giving me this beautiful veil or mantilla. According to the giver, it has already been blessed. This mantilla has a beautiful lace design with the word “Jerusalem” and an image of our Blessed Mother Mary carrying the Child Jesus. ✍️ #fromthepilgrimsdesk #mantillaveil #Catholicmass